He said what?

28 Aug

Not Martha linked to a really interesting Metafilter thread in which people shared their best relationship advice. A lot of little gems came out. Below are a few of my favorites:

  • When something has been forgiven, it is off the table for discussion. No bringing it up again, ever, especially not in anger.
  • I’m not the most rational fighter, but I’ve always thought the old wives’ advice “never go to bed angry” is especially lousy. So often, when a fight gets heated, rest is exactly what people need. I don’t find I get more reasonable, calm, or rational as a late night drags on.
  • DO NOT be thinking about the argument you’re going to make in return while the other person is talking. While they are talking, you are listening. If this is a problem for you, force yourself to repeat their points before you start saying anything new.
  • Never argue when you are feeling any of the HALT feelings: Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Save it for later when you’re no longer any of these things.
  • As odd as it sounds, I try and think of arguments as battles, and the relationship as the war. Remember that there’s not much point in winning the battle but losing the war.

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